Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
