Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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