Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
