i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
