'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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