I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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