I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
