I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
