dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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