this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
