Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The uberlube is also flammable
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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