We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
