Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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