I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
