will power is for people who don't want to get laid
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
