be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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