dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
