I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
