Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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