we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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