I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
