i dont even know how to be here
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
