Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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