We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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