they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
