Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize