GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
