Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
