Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
