About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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