Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
