I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
