So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
