I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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