We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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