I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
