Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You pole danced in your parka.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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