I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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