I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let's get the cat blown out
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
