I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
