If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
