My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
