woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
