Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize