I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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