Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
