But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
