he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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