He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I party with great urgency now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
