My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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