I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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