i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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