Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
