There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
