he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
