she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Who died my cat blue again?
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