Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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