i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
