Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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