my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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