i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
