just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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