I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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