You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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