You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
