I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
