Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
