weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
