I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
