Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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