my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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