White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
