No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
